While Elisabeth and I were shopping in Limited Too yesterday, the salesclerk mentioned that she wanted to adopt (I am pretty sure she spotted Isabella stripping the underwear table clean) but that her fiance wasn't on board. She said that he wasn't sure if he could love a child that wasn't his' and that she did want to have 'her own' but also wanted to adopt. That just about killed me. And it isn't the first time this has been said to me. People much closer to my heart have said it.....as well as "she'll (referring to Isabella) be just like one of your own children". HUH?
I honestly know people mean well and do not intentionally try to compare adoption to birth but COME ON, PEOPLE!!! I, myself, grew up with an adopted cousin who I described as 'not really my cousin' to his face!!! How horrible is that????!!! I never considered him to be a real part of the family..more like a 'step' cousin. After getting married and having Elisabeth, a friend of mine adopted from India. I just couldn't understand why someone would want to adopt internationally when she already had a child 'of her own'. I SAID those things people say to me now. I guess I just want people to stop and think. I wish I had. Adoption or birth-it makes no difference how a child becomes a part of your family and it doesn't make them any less important the way they join it. I can honestly tell you that both were awe-inspiring experiences. Both girls have equal parts of my heart.
my family said the same things about an adopted cousin...calling the grand-kids "three real ones" and "an adopted one" UGH!
ReplyDeleteI have already threatened them with their lives if I hear anything similar :)
Great post Catherine. I too can state that how our children enter our lives makes no difference in the depth of our love for them. As a matter of fact, I am grateful in that we would never have our daughter just as she is if it were not for adoption.
ReplyDeleteI have experienced these comments in my family as well. The most recent, just this past week, was when my aunt was telling a story about a family situation that she attributes to the fact the adult children were adopted.... sigh
That sales clerk obviously doesn't understand what it really means to be a parent. It doesn't matter how a child came into your family, they are still your child.
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