Isabella is an AUNT!! Apparently, her 2 older sisters have babies now:) And...the 20 cousins are just on her FATHER'S side...her mother is one of 9 children. Wow.
I am not sure what we are going to do with this information but it is really nice to know everything we can about her birth family. If Isabella wants to be part of it all, it will be her choice. If she doesn't, that is fine with us too. We just want to be prepared and ready for whatever it is she decides she wants to do when she is older. For now, she definitely shows interest and will bring "Mother" and "Father" up in conversation. To her, they are more like extended family - not mommy and daddy and Elisabeth.
People ask me why we choose to go down this path. I am not doing it for anyone but Isabella. If it were up to me, I would probably want to keep her all to myself and never, ever share her with anyone. I want to be known as her one and only mom. The fact is, I am not her only mother. There is another woman, many miles away, who chose to give birth to her and then give her a better life by giving her to us. How can I not acknowledge that? For those that don't understand, I guess you have to be in my shoes.
I honestly don't think people CAN understand if they haven't been in our shoes---and it doesn't seem like some of them WANT to, which is very sad. Bella would have much more resentment and frustration not knowing all this information, and many more questions that you would not be able to answer. I deal with this "not wanting to acknowledge" with my husband's mother-it is as if she feels threatened, which is ridiculous. My daughter's family members in Vietnam are a part of my daughter's life, and like it or not, not acknowledging them is not acknowledging A PART OF MY CHILD. I couldn't live with myself doing that, and know my child would be angry with me later on if I did. Very unfair to her to choose to ignore her ethnicity, and those who chose to make her a part of MY family.
ReplyDelete...just my two cents.
ps...it is a very self-less act we are doing. To not do this for our children IMHO is very self-ISH.
ReplyDeleteAmen.
I agree I never thought my daughter would have the opportunity to know anything about her bio family...I feel esp blessed that we are able to maintain that connection for her. My older son was adopted and we know his birth family and it would have been horrible for our daughter to not have some connection to hers. It is for them only-not for me. I always think-I can only do what I know to be right, and when it comes time, the bio family will have to answer for their own decisions, me I am giving them all that I can and know how. It is awesome that our VN babies can know their bio fam. you don't need to explain it to anyone!
ReplyDelete